Next week I turn 27. This is decidedly adult. By now I should have achieved things, but instead, I am a mere wage slave working many long hours and putting in large amounts of effort (in a job I actually quite like mind), in order to not be freed of this wage slavery. It’s an unfortunate reality that this freedom comes with an inability to pay rent or internet bills, which means I’ll have to sit outside and not watch porn.
It feels as though I have been alive forever and my best years are behind me. Yet, it’ll be another 38 years before my state pension kicks in, and another 308 years before I can realistically retire, by which point it’ll be fairly moot. This sits uneasily upon my brow.
It’s fair to say, we are not particularly happy.
Advancement in technology allowed us to offload tasks onto machines, giving us humans more free time. We are at the stage where really, we should all be doing nothing but lounging about eating pizza, lovingly prepared for us by machines. This pizza should be pushed slowly and tenderly into our mouths by other machines, and then yet another machine should be massaging our jaws to make us chew. We should have evolved into weird slug creatures by now, due to our legs falling off due to lack of use.
Alas, this utopia has passed us by. In offloading many tasks to machines, instead of filling that saved time with relaxation and reflection, we decided that we should feel this time being more productive. In making things faster and more efficient, we have decided that this means we should be doing more things at once. Quickly, FASTER!
We must get out there, get a job. Work hard at the job. Keep working hard at the job. Never let up, not for a second.
You must check your emails, answer the phone, write a report and attend a meeting all at the same time, and this is before you’ve even got dressed. You can relax when you’re dead, a state of being you are rapidly hurtling towards and will ultimately welcome. Time is money. Only it’s your time, but someone else’s money.
Don’t relax for a second. Don’t get complacent. Everyone’s replaceable. Especially you. Don’t make mistakes. People make a big deal out of them and remember them more than the numerous times you haven’t made mistakes.
Don’t take your foot off the pedal, not even for an instant. Keep it floored. Keep going, faster and faster until you eventually drive straight off a cliff. Be grateful you had air conditioning. Even if it didn’t really work.
I am a proper adult. I finally bought a sofa the other day. It’s a nice sofa. It fills the room. It’s a shame about the rest.