It’s Hot.

It’s currently sunny and hot. I hate both those things. I don’t know why everyone’s so big on the sun, it’ll be the thing that eventually kills us all. People bemoan the rain. Claiming how it’s always raining, forgetting the fact that it’s plenty of rain that allows for production of crops and you know, all that water we like to drink – especially on hot days.

Rain is great, I love the rain, even beyond its life giving properties. Rain stays outside, it creates a nice ambience, it freshens the air. Same with cold, once you’re indoors with a jumper on, you’ll be alright. Sunlight on the other hand barges into your home uninvited and stabs you in the eyes. The heat is stifling, preventing sleep and worst of all, it brings people outside in droves.

Due to poor life choices and a job market in tatters, I currently work in a pub. It’s awful and if I’m still working there by July I’m finding a bridge to leap off of.  It’s a bank holiday weekend and it’s set to be a hot and sunny one, which means these fucking people are going to all think it’ll be a good idea to go out and get a beer and sit in the pub garden. All of them will think this, regardless of my opinions on the matter.

Then once they’re there they will think “let’s get some food” and who’s going to have to take that food out to them, burning their fingers just so they can stuff their faces? Me that’s who. Fucking sun.  some time ago it rained a lot and no one came out, I got to sit at the bar and do the crossword, it was good, I only had to cheat 3 or 4 times and the rest I texted my dad for answers.

I might not make it through till Tuesday.

I have read that this year is set to be hotter than last year, which was hotter than the year before that, which in turn was hotter before that and so on and so forth. This displeases me for a number of reasons.

A few years ago when I was still at school, global warming was mentioned everywhere. As a society we were very concerned about it. It was on the news on a daily basis. Now it barely gets a mention. We seem to have stopped caring. Admittedly, it’s very difficult to keep caring about it and not go insane with the knowledge we have killed the planet.

I have done some reading to find out where we are at with the global warming stuff. The most recent thinking is that, we’ve fucked it. We’re past the point of no return and the rising of the sea and the roasting of the land is inevitable. There are not enough life boats to save us all, many of us will have to go down with our little island. The polar bears will also die.

The fish will be okay… apart from all that plastic.

With that in mind, will we view the hot summers with suspicion and dread? Will we stop using our cars so much, stop using so much plastic and all en masse tell China to get their shit together? No, you’ll all go to the pub and make me work hard. Drinking away the worry until the world around you turns to desert, or you’re swept away by a tidal wave filled with dead polar bears and Asda bags.

I hate you so much.

Movies and Their Overcompensating Sound!

I both love and hate watching movies. Interesting characters, thrilling plots and fine acting are all well and good, but whoever’s in charge of the sound ruins it for me. Those fucking sound guys.

Movies have been around for ages, so why hasn’t this aspect been perfected for home viewing? What I’m saying is, why is every sound effect and blast of music so damn loud and the dialogue mumbled? To get important character development and integral plot points I have to turn my TV up to about a million at which point the sound track kicks in and one of the guys who lives up stairs falls through the ceiling. Admittedly, they’re really fat and loud and are as heavy footed as a T-Rex wearing platform boots made of lead, so they’re always falling through the ceiling, but that’s not the point.

Why are the words of various protagonists delivered in barely audible whispers, but the creaking of a door loud enough to make my ears bleed? There doesn’t seem to be a setting to balance this, and by setting I mean a number, I’m not fucking about with overly complex sound systems, I just want to watch movie late at night without convincing the town that WWIII has finally kicked off, but still be able to hear what’s going on. I mean, I know realistically that a gunshot will be significantly louder than someone muttering exposition to someone else and many gunshots will create a bigger racket, but I’m watching Robert Downy Jr. flying around in a metal suit powered by some sort of reactor in his chest and punching a metal armed mopey kid who has been brain washed by Nazis, so realism has pretty much gone out the window.

It’s fine when you’re in a cinema with lots of other people who have paid to see a film so some noise is expected, but what about us people who can’t sleep at night and have angry neighbours?

This is not a flaw evident in action flicks either. I was watching The Truman Show last night at roughly 11:43 PM. Whilst this is unquestionably one of the best films ever made and I’ll fight anyone that says otherwise, it suffers the same flaw. Unable to hear the dialogue, I turned it up until I could just about hear the dialogue, at which point young Truman and his fake dad were caught in a storm, possibly the loudest storm ever. It was a manufactured storm yes, but the point still stands. With each flash of lighting and subsequent bark of thunder I felt the floor shake and my innards vibrate with such intensity my kidneys exploded.

So, I hastily turned it down. Then once the storm was over, I couldn’t hear what the fuck anyone was saying, so I turned it up again. At which point the soundtrack made itself known and the army turned up looking for Godzilla.

I know the composer of the soundtrack and the sound effects guys don’t actually get to appear in the films, so need to make their mark some how, but come on guys, you’re in the credits, is that not enough? We know you’re there and you do a good job, just… shhh.

Why? Why is this so? Why can’t we get sub-settings on films like you get on video games, where you can turn the dialogue up, whilst turning the rest of the shit way down where it belongs? I get that it all adds to the adrenaline pounding experience, but I’m very unlikely to miss important pieces of information if I miss one gunshot. Stop it movies! We get it, you like loud noises, but I tend to watch my films late at night where no one likes loud noises, so I want you to change everything just for me.

Good, now that’s out of my system I should probably go look for a job.