2018 – The Beginning of the End!

I haven’t posted in some time in fact, my last post was in August so some time in this sense translates to 2 months. This is primarily due to the fact that internet blogging is a futile endeavour and I was a fool to ever start. It’s like throwing a handful of your own shit at a mountain made up of thousands of other people’s shit and expecting everyone to take note of your shit, except less satisfying. Yet, here I am again because there’s only so many times I can listen to my own internal monologue.

So it is the Halloween weekend and Diwali weekend I’ve been led to believe, so happy Halloween or Diwali, depending on your preference. It seems since I’ve been away from the world of the internet, the people that live in the physical world have grown bored and decided that it’s probably about time for another World War, thereby completing the trilogy and getting some well-earned closure. Though this one will probably be more about the special effects than believable characters and well thought out plot.

Every so often we get those apocalypse predictions that spread around the internet and everyone gets really excited and it never happens, as is the nature of prophesying doom. So I’m going to make my own prediction, in the hope that having predicted it, I will avert disaster. So here goes. 2018 will see WWIII kick off which will spark nuclear conflict which will kill us all. There – it’s out there now, stock up on canned goods and a grab a makeshift weapon to deter looters.

Once again Russia and America are threatening each other with a beating with their nuclear stick. Putin has unveiled his Satan 2 Missile. Unveiling a missile does make it sound like it was hidden discretely underneath a white sheet for some time, before Putin dramatically whipped it off. Some have reported this missile as being powerful enough to wipe out an area the size of the UK. I happen to live in the UK which is also roughly the size of the UK so that sounds a touch worrying. The Mirror has even done a chirpy little interactive article where you can “discover your fate” should good ole London get nuked [http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/what-would-happen-nuclear-bomb-8514152]. You can have a look if you like, but no matter where you put down, the result is ‘you are incinerated by a terrible explosion. If you aren’t you’ll wish you had as you slowly succumb to radiation and/or starve.’

Of course this is working under the theory that Nuclear war will just involve one pot shot. Realistically we can expect at least two thrown at us, maybe one from France as well. According to Business Insider 9 countries have nuclear weapons, possessing “Approximately 16,300” between them. Which would mean around 1,811 nukes each if shared out evenly, which they better be, fair is fair. Of course these are just the ones everyone is being open and honest about. My dad’s been spending a lot of time in his shed recently, what’s he up to? Of course you could question how Business Insider came about this knowledge, it seems unlikely that they phoned up each respective government to ask them about their nuclear arsenal and that said governments were all too pleased to provide this information. More to the point, why would Business Insider need to know this information. Anyway, it was a lazy Google on my part.

I recently watched a video of Putin giving an impassioned speech to journalists about the risks we face and giving his justification for whatever it is he’s doing. I suggest you all watch it, it’s rather interesting. He talks about the necessity of the balance of power and how for the last 70 years peace has been ensured by this said balance, and how America is constantly trying to tip the balance with subtle little manoeuvres, and how if the balance is skewed it makes a nation more likely to try and do naughty things. He almost comes across as a rational human being – unfortunately for him he bears too much of a resemblance to Dobby the House-elf to ever be taken seriously. That and he’s a mad man.

Alas, we live in an age where all the major players are destined to be run by madmen, except the UK which is soon to have no government at all as none of the parties can seem to agree on anything long enough to put together any reasonable plans. British politics currently resembles a large argument over a restaurant bill, which you know will only escalate until it’s resolved by a free-for-all in the carpark.

Soon, that perpetually confused and angry nation, the United States of America, whom can barely get its trousers on in the morning without firing a missile, will have to vote for their next President. They have the choice between a sociopathic racist, who’d struggle to answer the question 2+2 without first yelling at some Mexicans and making a crude sexual remark. And then they have a corrupt warmonger who as far as the rest of the world is concerned has already been president twice; and she’s currently being investigated by the FBI.

America is a truly mental place, where anyone can be President – even if you really, really shouldn’t.

It reminds me of those questions you ask a mate when you’re bored, a ‘would you rather question.’

“Would you rather have John Goodman sit on your face for fifteen minutes after a long run, or have to watch every single Adam Sandler movie in one go?”

“Would you rather have The Mountain from Game of Thrones shove his entire fist up your arse, or have that weird bloke that works in my office shit on your chest?”

“Trump or Clinton? – is death an option? Well at the rate the world’s going it’ll probably be enforced.”

England, France and Denmark will be sending troops, tanks and planes to Estonia to show ‘military presence’. Time and time again people are being quoted as saying ‘they do not want another cold war’ and on both sides the word ‘deterrent’ is being thrown about, which always annoys me. If you have a rat problem, you don’t deter them by adding more rats to the situation, that’s just going to make the problem worse!

France went and tore that lovely camp down earlier in the week, displacing the refugees again for having the audacity to be refugees. Every European nation is doing their best to pretend they’re not in so they don’t have to deal with the problem, which only stands to cause mischief. Isis is still messing about and will no doubt capitalise on all this global civil unrest and those guys are nutters.

So yeah, 2018 – the beginning of the end, note it down if you’re planning a holiday.

Except of course everything will be fine. Because of my prediction. So you’re welcome.

The Fuzzyrambler