People With Money are Terrible and ‘We’ Are Better Than Them.

I had the misfortune of being stuck in a conversation at lunch time this week. I say conversation, it was a conversation in the modern sense where – on the whole – it is made up of shouted non-sequiturs, a few references I didn’t understand and a few exclamations of a sexual nature. On a side note, why does the modern man feel the need to blurt out who can and can’t sit on their face? And since when have rape ‘jokes’ been funny?  You can try and sound as ironic as you like, but you can’t hide that intense flame of sexual frustration in your eyes, or the shame come to think of it.

As in all large, multinational corporations, where I work there are some people on very good wages, and some on not so good (me damn it!). And as in all life, there are people that are naturally attractive, and also those that have wealthy parents (by our lowly definitions). This is rather inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, however, it does tend to get us riled up.

In this unfortunate conversation we seemed to dance around a few particular topics, one of which was a young lady, whose parents has some amount of financial wealth should we say. She happily takes advantage of this, much to the rancour of my lunch time companions. She has multiple horses, which is just unfair as I don’t even have 1 horse, fucking one percent – taking all the horses. On top of all this, she had the audacity to allow her parents to pay off her new car. Can you imagine the spluttered outrage pouring from the lips of the unfortunate few? No you can’t, it was much worse than that.

“Oh Daddy will buy her a new car.”

“We have to make our own way in life!”

“Spoilt brat, lets key her car!”

“No let’s get some paint stripper and write slut on her doors.”

I would like to say the last one is an exaggeration… I would really like to say that.

There’s a lot of anger and insecurity about these days, and apparently the way to get through this is to hurl abuse at those ‘better off’ than us – preferably when they’re not there and can’t hear us. Sexism and passive aggression aside, the reason this annoys me so, is I find it very hard to imagine anyone not taking advantage of opportunities offered to them.

“What’s that dad? You want to pay of my car? No thank you, I wish to make my own way in life. In fact if you could kick me out with nothing but the clothes on my back, and then demand I pay you for them, that will be much better. Teach me some responsibility.”

More to the point, without going into too much detail, one of the speakers I know is in a good wage and once said he didn’t spend any less than £50 on a pair of jeans (Oh the extravagance!). The other, I know has had financial help from his parents too – but we can forget about that when it comes to our “Two Minutes Hate.” We can forget that the majority of us are actually in pretty enviable positions in regards to the rest of the planet (if you have an iPhone or access to the internet and the right to vote you’re probably alright). We are all in the positions we are because of circumstance and because of those around us.

Because, those wealthier than us are dicks, especially if they’re women apparently (I would go into this, but that’s a debate to be had by more eloquent people than I).

They have no right to complain… ever. Even if their aforementioned rich parents are killed in a tragic car accident, they have no right to weep, to even feel one ounce of sorrow, they can just buy new parents.

I don’t begrudge people their wealth, or mock the absent of such (because I am better than all of you) – it’s hypocrisy that infuriates me.

Why, when we all seem to hate these people – do we strive for wealth ourselves? Why do we play the lottery, or hope for our big break and a room we can comfortably call our treasury, filled with sacks of gold and jewels, and a crown? Surely, the very idea should sicken us and we should aspire to get rid of all our money, and our clothes,

Perhaps my problem is I don’t particularly understand money. I don’t get it and the very concept of it makes me mad, why do I have to spend 8 and a half hours a day earning it, only for a man from the council to take it away? I have a very limited interest in cars, so find it difficult to get jealous when someone’s parents buy them a new snazzy vehicle. What grinds my gears are the people that get to work from home. I want to work from home! The only reason I pursue some sort of financial well-being is so I can have more sleep, and avoid annoying conversations like the one I have mentioned. That, and I’d quite like to live inside a volcano, like some supervillain.

Over all – it’s a shame that we’re all so angry.

But I wouldn’t want it to change, as then I’d have nothing to write about on a Saturday morning as I desperately try and say something interesting in the vain hope that someone will hire me to write articles.

The FuzzyRambler


What Will Trump Say Next?

Even he doesn’t know. When you watch him speak, he seems perpetually surprised that his lips are able to flap about like that, and like a giant toddler first learning the basics of speech, with every word he seems to express a great deal of self-satisfaction. Unlike most politicians, who have a team of speech writers, a director, make up artists and special effects team, Trump appears to enjoy the old school approach of just winging it.

In some ways I respect that. I adhere to that school of philosophy myself, just opening your mouth and hoping for the best. The ‘let’s just do it and see what happens’ approach to life is an admirable one. Unless you happen to be a deluded, bigoted, self-righteous cunt. In this case, the “see what happens” aspect of the ethos is easy to guess.

I thought Trump had lost it when one of his major proposals was to build a huge wall to separate America and Mexico, to stop those pesky Mexicans coming in and doing whatever it is that they do that the American populace hates so much. In particular the bit where he suggested that the Mexican government would be the ones footing the bill. A part wants him to become president, just so I can see this plan put into action and watch the farcical nonsense unfold, like a sit-com episode from the 70s. It could be called ‘To Be Trumped’ … or something better, that was just off the top of my head and I’ve only just woken up and not had coffee yet. Trumped should definitely feature, it makes it seem wittier.

I can only imagine the way that conversation will go.

‘Mexico, I’ve started work on the wall to stop you lot just wandering in and seeking a better life. Can we have the first payment?’

‘Who is this?’

‘The President of the United States. We need you to pay up now, because those building the wall have unionised and are demanding money. If only we had hired some hard working Mexican immigrants.’

‘What’s to stop people just tunnelling under this wall?’

‘Beg your pardon?’

‘Never mind, cheque’s in the post.’

There was once a time when a weird, startled manatee of a man would make these sorts of pledges and be laughed at. World wide we be joined in ridicule, it’d make us glad to be alive. Alas, we seem to have entered a dangerously, bitterly angry time in which people vote for them instead.

Recently, Trump has been seen telling mother’s to remove their babies, who we can only assume were crying because they could see their future being shat upon by their grandparents and their parents. And he has also compared any sort of sacrifice he made to make money from real estate to that of a soldier giving his life for his country, and subsequently his family losing their son. I don’t know quite what sacrifices he is referring to, or if he even knows the meaning of the word sacrifice, to quote the man himself:

“I think I’ve made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard. I’ve created thousands and thousands of jobs, tens of thousands of jobs, built great structures. I’ve done ― I’ve had ― I’ve had tremendous success. I think I’ve done a lot,”

Donald “The Bloated Manatee” Trump.

Of course it’s easy to do a lot in real estate if your father is already rich and well known in the construction industry. This is perhaps typical of self-righteous rich white men. Of course they will not know what personal sacrifice means, they’ve never been exposed to it, it is a concept forever out of reach of their limited understanding.

Whereas any sensible politician (and I am aware of how cynical I sound) would have seized an opportunity  in the case of the Khan family and adopted a sense of faux sorrow and solidarity and praised the sacrifices of a brave soldier and invited his parents around for dinner. Trump chose to insult them and insinuate misdeeds. Of course they weren’t white enough for Trump so he wouldn’t let them in his house. They also had the audacity to be Muslim and we all know where he stands in that regard.

And to quote the man himself:

“They’re not coming to this country if I’m president. And if Obama has brought some to this country they are leaving, they’re going, they’re gone.”

Donald “The Bloated Manatee Fuckface” Trump.

Imagine if they were Mexican?

Again, in a different time these actions would probably have him removed from politics and locked away in some kind of hole somewhere, a racist hole – for racists. Incidentally that will be another television show I’ll be working on ‘The Racist Hole.” Instead, he still stands a good chance of becoming the president of one of the most powerful nations on the planet. If Theresa May (British PM – I know, I keep having to Google it to remember too), has no qualms with sentencing hundreds of thousands of people she doesn’t know and have done her no harm, to death by nuclear devastation, Trump would probably drop the bomb himself riding it “Dr Strangelove” style, probably onto Mexico, stating all the while “this is a good thing. Oh yes, I think it’s a good thing, I’m not worried at all.”

In his great delusion, he probably won’t even fear his own death, as he probably thinks he can rise again.

And to quote the man himself (probably, I’ve grown bored of research):

“Actually, I have a lot in common with Jesus. We both worked in the family business…”

Donald “The Bloated Manatee Fuckface Jesus (apparently)” Trump.


To be fair to him on this occasion, the pair do have a fair bit in common – neither he nor Jesus would have gotten anywhere if it wasn’t for their fathers. Now, if only we could nail Trump to something.

… I may have just lost my moral standing on this one. Criticizing the man for bigotry and then belittling the death of Christ. But at least I’m aware of my own hypocrisy. It’s fine, you’re allowed to insult the Christians without fear of recompense, because Jesus told them to turn the other cheek. If they don’t they’re being bad Christians, and Jesus will judge them! The only thing that made him mad was setting up market stalls in a church. Imagine that – going to a place you know people will be and trying to earn a living… this was in the depths of history too in a land where basic amenities were scarce and expensive. Selfish entrepreneurs trying to provide for themselves and their families.

Anyway, I got side tracked.

I can only hope that this is all a bit of satirical performance art, and if Trump gets to the White House, he’ll grin rip off his face and it’ll turn out to be Sacha Baron Cohen and we’ll all have a good laugh. Unfortunately, I feel satire is lost on most Republicans.

I’ll leave you with this last quote from the man himself:

“I’m a massive tool and I like to put vegetables up my wrinkly ass. I think it’s a good thing. I’m not worried at all. I murder puppies with golden hammers in my big house. I sneak into your children’s bedroom at night and urinate in their face.”

Donald Trump.


I feel in the interest of transparency, a lot of the quotes were lifted straight from newspapers, and of course as such, could well be misrepresented or false as we all know journalists have their own political agenda to promote. I have done little in the way of verifying these quotes were actually said, and I can say for certain that one of them is definitely made up.