Hopefully the title is ambiguous enough to attract a wider readership. It does bear some resemblance to the bizarre stories seen in cheap magazines such as ‘I married the rhino that crushed my husband to death.’ or ‘Jesus came to me in a dream and told me to bulk buy ketchup.’
This is not however, going to be an in-depth analysis of my romantic affections for a meerkat. I am of course referring to the string of hugely successful meerkat oriented adverts. Some one in my household recently received a package through the door, after much suspense he opened it and revealed a stuffed meerkat. Yes, he had got some form of insurance through Compare the Market and received the reward of a stuffed toy. Obviously, the reaction shared by me and my brother, both of us being in our twenties, was apathetic to say the least if not a bit hostile to the concept.
Except it wasn’t.
Upon its revelation we both gave up a cheer and said ‘YAY! IT’s SERGIE!’ So now we have the dynamic duo sitting on a shelf, both Alexandr and Sergie watch us motionless from on high, silently judging the terrible state of humanity.
Today I have found the Meerkat version of ‘Ebony and Ivory’ playing on a loop in my head, and every time it reaches its dramatic end I find myself chuckling. At which point I realise I am alone, unemployed, friendless and generally unsuccessful and have to hang my head in the up most shame.
What makes me despair, is the man who came up with that advertising scheme in a meeting one stormy day, has probably earned a vast sum of money out of those animated meerkats. I can just imagine it now.
‘Come on team, Compare the Market wants us to come up with an idea.’
‘Hah, sounds a bit like Compare the Meerkat, imagine that, a website that compares Meerkats.’
‘Billy you’ve done it again, here have some money.’
What makes it worse, is we, as a nation, lapped it up so much that it’s become profitable for them to produce a line of Meerkat toys to send to grown adults! No wonder the economy’s fucked.
It won’t be long before we’re all out bulk buying Cillit Bang because they change their advertising figurehead to a colourful Walrus that sports a fine collection of stylish hats. It makes me fear for the mental wellbeing of the human race, seeing as the two most successful advertising ventures in recent history seems to be an aristocratic Meerkat and a drumming gorilla!
How long is it before the government utilise these things for their own evil purposes. When will we see a number of Meerkat’s spouting political propaganda. How long is it before the Conservative Party employ Alexandr as a sort of spin doctor, winning them the majority vote! Or fund a concert featuring various musically talented exotic animals? It’s a truly terrifying thing to think about.
Perhaps I’m being too judgemental, this I can accept is simply a comical piece of advertising appealing to the nations juvenile side. It’s all very well and good. The truth of the matter is I’m just jealous. I come up with stupid shit like this all the time and no one pays me anything, they just look at me pityingly and walk the other way.
The Fuzzy Rambler.